Shots from Bindi Irwin’s birthday.

Not only does her fete oddly take place on a tennis court, but check out that cake.

Sure, it’s pretty clear that mom Terri is exploiting her child with the television show and horrible nature raps, but this goes way too far.

What child is like, “Hey mom, instead of a unicorn or Barbie or a koala on my cake, can we put my dead dad on there? Please. Dibs on dad’s face — the hair has the best frosting.”

Someone call child service. Or a therapist. Your call.

Fit Club contestant, porn tape maker and guy who’ll do anything for money, Dustin Diamond, has come up with yet another idea that should result in short-lived cash flow. Best known for playing the annoying, dorky sidekick of Zack*, Dustin will be releasing a tell-all book called Behind the Bell.

And while I would normally discount this, Dustin isn’t just writing about himself, but will be disclosing the juicy deeds on the, “sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying.” Awesome.

*Hopefully the book will also delve into four major problems I always had with SBTB:

1) Why would a cool, popular guy like Zack ever hang out with Screech? High school politics would not allow this to occur. Major breach in believability.

2) The Max. Or more specifically, it’s owner. He was a magician, which, wait, what? I just never understood the need for the scriptwriters to add this pointless eccentricity. Its not like his four seconds of camera time to pull a ribbon out of a hat added any excitement value to the show-they could have just used that four seconds for Screech to fall over again or have Kelly smile.

3) AC Slater’s wardrobe choice (pic below). The muscle tee, the two belts-what was that all about? Everyone else on the show dressed like a normal kid in the late ’80’s early ’90’s except for Slater who was outfitted in this gym rat, Italian guy uniform.

4) And finally, why is it that everyone, when discussing SBTB, inevitably brings up the episode where Jessie Spano gets cracked out on caffeine pills and says the line, “I”m so excited. I’m so..so..scared.” Is it because our adolescent minds were effected by the powerful message against over the counter drug use, or because it was so patently ridiculous?

Dark Knight who?  This is the video you’ve been waiting to see.  It’s release comes shortly after the sentencing of Kid Rock on Monday for one count of baw-wit-ta-ba-di-dang-di-dang-battery in connection with this incident.  He’ll serve one year of probation, six hours of anger-management counseling, 80 hours of community service and has to pay a $1,000 fine.

MTV ran its first political ad in its 27-year history yesterday. The slightly sexual sounding (my heads in the gutter) “Both Ways Barack,” attack ad is from conservative group Let Freedom Ring and accuses Barack of being on two sides of an issue, which in my humble opion, is much more impressive than being on just one singular side.

When MTV initially made the decision back in June to run political ads, it came suspiciously close to a report in the New York Times that Obama wanted to do an MTV buy.  With all the money the Bam campaign has to spend, MTV wants a piece of the pie and this anti-Obama ad may help push him in that direction. 

Surely the Obama campaign will want to combat against the poisoning of young, influential minds.

Not all of Europe is thrilled that Barack Obama is gracing their continent with his celestial presence this week. France’s paper of record, Le Monde, published a less-than-glowing editorial today about the globe-trotting Democratic nominee for President.

Le Monde hits Obama on multiple fronts, and our good friend Ben Smith has more on the piece HERE.

But I want to highlight one grievance in particular that the French mega-paper has: the lack of time Obama spends this week in France relative to Germany.

Le Monde’s editors write: “A speech in Germany, five little hours in France.”

But when you think about it, from a political standpoint, Obama choosing Germany over France for his major speech should come as a surprise to …let me see … oh that’s right… precisely no one.

Sure, by speaking in Berlin Obama gets to elevate his speech with the obligatory allusions to JFK and Ronald Reagan, but let’s face it, no EU nation gets singled out more for derision by members of the American media or political class than the French. We love to ridicule the French.

Nowadays, American politicians (usually those culturally-sensitive Republicans) use words like “effete” or “effeminate” to describe the French. And does anyone remember in 2003 when the Republican controlled Congress changed the name of French Fries to “Freedom Fries?”

But we don’t have to search that far back in history for evidence of Republicans taking pot shots at the French. Just look at the whole John McCain JV Squad “joke” that my girl Lark posted on earlier.

McCain, as well as anyone, knows that the bulk of Obama’s time will NOT be spent in France; but when he needs to poke fun at the Future President of the United States — to whom does he turn? The French!

So, with the GOP now (as always) hyperventilating over Obama’s so-called “arrogance” and “elitism” — two charges that commonly stick here in America when we talk about Europeans — there’s no way Obama gives a major speech before a million screaming Frenchmen today. No way.

Could he perhaps have spent more time there? Absolutely. But to do much more would have been manna from Heaven for the GOP hitmen, who would have loaded up both barrels with freshly cut French-ammunition.

PLUS, French President Nicolas Sarkozy (whose wife’s talk about orgy fantasies has caused a wee bit of scandal in recent weeks) was forced into a run off last year by the delectable Ségolène Royal, who we all know is a (gasp!) Socialist.

So between all the “Pepe-le-Bam” jokes we’d have gotten, the talk of French “neutrality,” and the clumsily formulated Communist/Socialist rhetoric that would’ve be hurled Obama’s way, there was little doubt that Obama would be on much surer footing in Germany for making today’s globally televised address.

Related:

MCCAIN WINNING CAMPAIGN FOR WORST PR STRATEGY

FRENCH PRESIDENT’S WIFE TO HUSBAND: “YOU’RE MY ORGY”

EUROPEANS ARE THE NEW GAYS

NO ONE NEEDS BARACK OBAMA TO COME HOME MORE THAN JOHN MCCAIN

EUROPEAN ANNUAL “WIFE CARRYING CONTEST”

This headline from today’s Daily Mail is straight out of a sci-fi horror movie.  Could it signal the end of the relentless bear meme that has been circulating the web with tales of their bravery and cuteness as they rub against trees and do other adorable things like lending themselves to Anderson Cooper gay jokes and having sex?

While it seemed likely that this would put a stop to their take-over of the Internet through rampant fuzzy cuddliness, they’ve already struck back with damage control in the form of this awe-inducing video which emerged today on Buzzfeed:

Damn you bears.  Damn you!

Related:

PANDA-MOAN-IUM: PANDA SEX, GRATUITOUS SHOTS OF ADORABLENESS

It seems like the only news we’ve been hearing about John McCain lately is him whining over Obama and how much the press “loves” his opponent. They’ve even got their little Love video contest going on with a Chris-Matthews-fueled montage of the press’ Bam affection.

Which, while funny, (at least it isn’t a rape joke), as well as an attempt to go viral, is just about the worst PR strategy ever because instead of taking viewers’ attention and focusing it on McCain, he deflects it right back to Obama. And they just keep doing this type of stuff — only their newest “ha ha” joke is even worse.

McCain’s camp issued fake press releases identifying their press corp. as the “JV Squad,” with the caption: “Left Behind to Report in America.” The reverse side features a Frenchman pouring a glass of wine with the same caption en francaise (“Laisse en arriere pour faire un rapport en Amerique”).

So in effect, not only did the McCain people throw the focus back to Obama by satirizing the media attention he’s getting overseas, but McCain also succeeds in disparaging the traveling media corps. that covers him.

Well played, sir.

(Via CBS)

Check out the pitch a new company called SlyDial is making on behalf of their product:

You desperately need to call your girlfriend but she is a talker and you don’t want to spend an hour on the phone with her because you would much rather watch the game with your buddies. Leave her a sweet voicemail and get a hall pass for the night.

SlyDial allows you to put in anyone’s phone number and be automatically connected (for free) to that person’s voicemail… so you can avoid, you know, actually having to talk to them.

The NY Post billed the service today as “Dial-A-Breakup Made Easy,” but whatever your needs may be just call (267) SLY-DIAL and follow the automated instructions. 

So from now on if you find that you’re only getting voicemails from a “person of interest” with no record of having a missed call, you’ll know the reason why.

For more information, check out SlyDial.com

SlyDial’s funny/sad “Vegas” ad is featured above & the ”Muscle Man” spot can be seen after the jump.

Related:

DEMETRI THE STUD REMIX

PSYCHO EX-GIRLFRIEND…

“SHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU — OR IS SHE?”

NY Congressman Anthony Weiner (above) is back in the news today.  Only this time instead of trying to soften our immigration laws to allow more foreign models into the country, the New York Times does a write up on something that many people who’ve worked in and around DC/NY politics have known for a long, long time: the 2009 NYC mayoral hopeful is an absolutely frightful person to work for. 

Mr Weiner is being charitable when he calls himself a “demanding” boss.  In truth it’s much closer to “demeaning.”

Many people don’t realize this, but what keeps Capitol Hill churning is an army of staffers in their 20s and early-to-mid 30s.  Members of Congress ultimately call the shots on what gets done, but the actual work of getting our laws passed is done by thousands of young people who work long hours for little pay. 

Congressman Weiner is among the most egregious offenders when it comes to treating his subordinates like disposable commodities, and his revolving door of staff members is legendary to people on the inside.

Part of the issue is that there are 50 young guns waiting in the wings for every open position in a Congressional Office, and as long as Congressional staff labor remains non-union (which will always be the case), they’ll be no shortage of people willing to step up to Anthony Weiner’s plate and take the abuse. 

But how you treat your employees says something about your character.  Add to that, Mr Weiner’s not running a Fortune 500 company that’s valued according to its quarterly profit margin — he’s representing roughly 700,000 New Yorkers from his Queens Congressional District. 

And I can tell you this: high turnover doesn’t help his constituents one bit.  It breaks the continuity of his office and ensures that each new staff member will have to retrace the steps of the person who worked before him/her.  And it ensures that his constituents are likely to see a new face every time they reach out to his office for assistance, which can be very frustrating if you’re engaged in a longer term effort to secure benefits or track legislation. 

What’s interesting is that Mr Weiner is someone who himself at one point worked on the staff of a high profile, ambitious politician: NY Senator Chuck Schumer.  So I’m not sure if it’s in spite of this fact or because of it that — more than most politicians on his level – Mr Weiner takes such a hard line with his staff. 

The irony for me personally is, I think Anthony Weiner might make a pretty good mayor.  He’d probably be much more middle-class focused than Michael Bloomberg has been, but because I know how he treats the folks who actually do the grunt work necessary to make him look good, I’ll be unable to cast my vote for him should he be in a position to win city-wide office in 2009. 

Related:

NYC MAYORAL HOPEFUL: “AMERICAN WOMEN NEED BAGS OVER THEIR HEADS”

NYC MAYORAL HOPEFUL’S SHOCKING, SECRET PLAN TO EXPAND DATING POOL

Saint John McCain is having a pretty crappy week since his buddy Barack Obama left for the Middle East and Europe.

Obama’s globe-trotting around the world, shaking hands with heads of state, schmoozing with our troops, and preparing to give a speech tomorrow before a crowd that may grow as large as 1 million people in Germany…

Meanwhile, here in the United States no one is paying attention to John McCain. One reporter showed up to greet his plane in New Hampshire this week. ONE!!!

But the fact that no one cares what McCain does or says right now may end up being a blessing in disguise for the presumptive Republican nominee for president, since he’s been especially prone to completely moronic statements innocent campaign gaffes since Obama left the country.

(1) First, the Master of Foreign Policy can’t stop talking about a country that hasn’t existed in well over a decade (Czechoslovakia).

(2) Then his campaign acts like a bunch of whiny teenagers by releasing an ad about how the media “goes soft on Obama.” But in typical John McCain fashion, hours later he flip flops on the ad and says he’s in fact not complaining about the media coverage of this campaign.

(3) Then he gives an interview with Katie Couric where he gets the most basic historical facts wrong involving a foreign policy decision that he’s choosing to basically hang his campaign on at this point: The Surge in Iraq.

ABC covers up McCain’s embarrassing historical illiteracy on what’s supposed to be his signature issue (National Security) because, after all, they are part of the same media that’s “in the tank” for Obama.

(4) Then his campaign decides to take the lowest road possible and hit Obama for visiting a Holocaust memorial site in — of all places — Israel! Another classy move.

So at this point John McCain’s campaign is so desperate to make headlines of their own that they’ve had to resort to planting false stories with reporters about McCain announcing his VP choice this week just to create a news cycle buzz.

BUT, as shit begets shit, Robert Novak, the reporter who thought he was given McCain’s VP super-scoop, was so angry and frustrated over being used like a piece of prison ass by the McCain campaign that he zoned out and hit a pedestrian while driving his black Corvette this morning.

So now we come to this afternoon: John McCain had one press avail scheduled for today. Just one.

But realizing that he’s going to be hammered by reporters over the smattering of negative stories circling his campaign right now (see 1-4), he chose to do the honorable thing… and really show Americans why he’s the only man worthy of the title, “Mr. Straight Talk”: he canceled the freakin’ press conference.

Someone should change the new campaign slogan on John McCain’s poster from “PEACE IS BORN OF WISDOM” to “PEACE IS BORN OF…DUCKING THE HARD QUESTIONS.”

Meaningful Distraction says to John McCain: Come back and face the music, cause your shit is WEAK right now!

Warning:  If you are attracted to Matthew, this is going to kill that for you.  Unless of course your into this sort of thing.  In which case-I hate you.

In this week’s issue of US he makes it clear that he can not act like a normal adult or put down the bong for the length of time it took his girlfriend to give birth saying “Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.”

I for one find Seth Rogan Disgusting (yes, that is a captial D).  I think he is probably one of the most unlikely stars ever-he’s chubby, slovenly and every movie he makes degrades women in some way.  I do however, love James Franco and pot, so I am pretty stoked to see this flick. 

Click here for the leaks.