MEANINGFUL DISTRACTION

To mark the year 5769, Heeb Magazine has just released what they’re calling “The First Ever Jewish Swimsuit Calendar,” featuring “six of the most beautiful Jewish women in the world.”

Heeb is known as a quirky, somewhat edgy pop culture magazine dedicated to all things Jewish.

Some have (lightheartedly) hailed the calendar as an example of “Why Zionism Has Succeeded,” while others are hotly debating whether or not the magazine took the low road by including too many “shiksa”-looking women.

I’m not a fan of questioning whether someone “looks Jewish enough?” (or “black enough”). It predicates that people are supposed to look one way, which is patently ridiculous.

(Heeb Magazine via J. Goldberg)

Conservative host of Savage Nation, Michael Savage is a major moron in general, but his latest antics of idiocy are aimed at children suffering from a terrible and debilitating disease and they are inexcusable.

Above is the clip of Savage calling kids afflicted with autism “fakers” who are merely acting out like “fools,” and blaming parents for not raising them “correctly.”

This obviously riled many people and yesterday protesters rallied outside of his office calling for him to be fired.  But instead of backing down and apologizing, Savage defended his remarks saying:

“My comments about autism were meant to boldly awaken parents and children to the medical community’s attempt to label too many children or adults as ‘autistic.’ Many children are being victimized by being diagnosed with an “illness” which may not exist in all cases. … Let the truly autistic be treated. Let the falsely diagnosed be free.”

How about we let him be free instead, by firing his cruel and ignorant ass.  Sign petitions against him, here.

The fight is on!

Update: Wendy later told the AP, “I wanted to throw her off the set. Omarosa wished her career was my career.  Omarosa is a delusional, D-list, pathetic woman.”

Update 2: The more I think about this, the more I think it was a pr stunt.  Wendy needs ratings for her show, while Omarosa just needs any kind of attention she can get.  These are both savvy women and stirring up buzz is a mutually beneficial strategy.

I’ve been feeling under the weather today, which is why there is a lack of posts.   In order to keep my throbbing head from just exploding, I have been keeping the music mellow.  One of my favorites of the past interminably long hours is this tune by the Avrett Brothers.  If you like Townes Van Zandt, you’ll love them.

So this is pretty creepy/funny.  Nowhere on David Berkowitz’s Facebook profile does it say he’s Jewish and yet the above “Hey Jew,” ad popped up on his screen.  Being understandably taken aback and curious about how the hell the ad knew his religion, he contacted , Katan Adventures who told him:

“In order to reach Jews who haven’t listed their religion on Facebook (which, by the way, is the vast majority) we run ads in metro areas with large Jewish populations and try to grab their attention with ridiculous lines such as ‘hey jew’ but we obviously get a lot of wasted clicks with this strategy as well. And some angry emails.”

So I guess if you get an ad that’s like “Hey Chinese Guy,” or “Hey Black Lady,” you shouldn’t take offense/be worried.  Also, can we just note that the ad says, “Shlep.”  How jewish of them.  Ha ha (It’s Friday evening, I’m delirous).  Oy!

(Via Adfreak)

7 - 10PM
@ Royalton
44 West 44th Street

I’ve been in a weird mood all today.  Hence, your Musical Distraction for Tuesday, July 15, Bears are Coming by Late of the Pier.

(hat tip: Dr. DT)

We here at MD keep this site out of massive quantities of love.  We do not make money off of it and do not have money to spend on it. 

In our three months on the web we have seen our numbers increase beyond our wildest hopes and dreams and are planning on sticking around for the long haul.  We enjoy doing this and are thankful and excited that you take the time to visit our site.

That being said-We want to look pretty!  Anyone out there want to donate a logo or at least some advice?  We desperately need a make-over.

Email us at meaningfuldistractions@gmail.com.  We look forward to hearing from you!!!

Cindy McCain is beer heiress with a large chunk of her wealth tied up in the fortunes of Anheuser-Busch.

That 8 figure number you see up above is the “conservative” estimate of how much Cindy stands to make if she were she to sell off what some believe is her percentage stake in Anheuser-Busch… which you may have heard was recently bought out by European mega-brewer InBev for a hefty $70 dollars per share.

(That’s over 17 million dollars for our numerically challenged readers.)

Anyone else see the irony: while John McCain campaigns about the importance of keeping American businesses right here in the USA, he and his wife are primed to make a fortune in the aftermath of a European takeover of one of America’s most beloved businesses.

But wait, I forgot, we already know how The McCains roll.

(via HuffPo)

Related:

PATRIOTISM WATCH: NATION MOURNS AS BUDWEISER SOLD TO EUROPEAN BREWER

THE FABULOU$ LIFE OF JOHN MCCAIN

Long day?  Calm down with a poem. 

I posted a while back on The-Numbears (read as the numb-ears or num-bears), a blog run by a very talented Cypriot transplanted in NYC.  (Full disclosure, this is a close friend of mine, but even if I didn’t know him, I would still be enthralled by his work and slightly puzzled by his affinity towards slugs and tattoos.)

He is back home for the summer and turning out some great work.  Below is one poem I particularly like and I strongly encourage you to check out the site.

 Thought of Past and wha? melt like Fudge

It’s what happens when you mix cornstarch & water, then set it on top of a metal plate and booming subwoofer… kind of how I imagine the creation of life looked.

(Gizmodo via ASC)

DAMN. French President Nicolas Sarkozy sure has something going for him in the Mojo Department. His wife, model turned First Lady Carla Bruni, recently released an album that’s causing a stir in France because of songs like Ta Tienne (Yours), which is essentially a tribute track to the President’s sexual prowess.

Lyrics for La Tienne are copied after the jump. And as you’re reading them, try to imagine how Amercia’s Culture Warriors would respond if one of our First Ladies had not only penned words like “You’re my orgy … I am burning for you like a pagan woman,” but also had spoken publicly about how she was “seduced” by the President and had nude photos of her sold at auction.

Read the rest of this entry »

McCain is asked about Viagra. He draws blanks. Like many guys when they’re unable to rise to the occasion, McCain gets a touch defensive and tells the female reporter it “usually never” happens that he needs to revisit an issue “later.”

But needing to “get back to her” is understandable, particularly at McCain’s age. If after a while he’s still coming up short though, he could just try this.

Related: WATERMELONS ARE THE NEW VIAGRA

The Chief of Police in Flint, MI, recently outlawed “saggy pants” (helpful graphic above). He rejects the idea that sagging a “fad,” and instead calls it an “immoral self expression” and “national nuisance.”

Fine. Whatever. But if we’re being honest with ourselves, “whale tailing” (see below) is just as threatening to the moral purity of this nation. Where are the anti-public thong laws?

For more on the recent wave of “pants police” laws, click here.

(Reason via Andrew)

Readers of News of the World and those interested in British politics or psychologically-perverse sex, have likely heard about Max Mosely, head of the Fédération Internationale de l’Automobile.

A few months back, a video of Max was released by News of the World where he was partaking in an orgy with prostitues dressed as Nazis.   He is currently suing the tabloid and testified today that he can “think of few things more un-erotic than Nazi role play.”  (perhaps, Jewish, Gypsy or Non-Aryan role play?)

“I fundamentally disagree with the suggestion that any of this is depraved, fundamentally disagree with the fact that it is immoral,” he said. “I think it is a perfectly harmless activity provided it is between consenting adults who want to do it, are of sound mind, and it is in private.”

To make matters worse, Mosley’s father, Oswald Mosley, founded the British Union of Fascists in 1932 and friendly with Hitler.  It also doesn’t help that on the audio tape you can hear one of the women yell, when beating him,  “But we are the Aryan race, blonds.”

Not like that proves anything.

Parents Magazine gives a little taste of their interview with Barack Obama, due out later this month.

“Barack Obama’s feminist radar is apparently on high alert. At a photo shoot with Parents magazine in Butte, Montana this past weekend, the presumptive Democratic nominee nixed one of the props his staff had supplied for a playful picture of his daughters Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7.

The turn-off? Cotton-candy colored baseball gloves.

‘Pink mitts?’ he asked incredulously as he tossed them back to one of his aides. “We’re not going to have pink baseball mitts, I’m sorry.”

He later talked to Parents about the sports his girls play, including tennis and soccer, but not, to his dismay, basketball. He didn’t mention anything about baseball, but it’s a good bet that if Malia and Sasha hit the field, they’ll be using brown-leather mitts—not girly pink ones.”

(Goodyblog via Ben)

[Photo by Dave Anderson]

As I alluded to earlier, our readers had sex on the brain this week.  Either that or the best stuff Lark and me were able to give “blirth” (blog birth) to over the past 7 days dealt watermelons and midget porn, I’m not sure.

Like always, our Top 10 list is comprised of the 8 stories you read the most, plus the 2 that Lark and I feel were awesome but didn’t get much love from our readers. 

The Top 10.

1. WOMEN OF NEW YORK: WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH THIS MAN?

2. INTRODUCING RANAE SHRIDER, MINI-ME’S SEX TAPE CO-STAR

3. WILL YOU WATCH THE MINI-ME SEX TAPE?

4. WATERMELONS ARE THE NEW VIAGRA

5. CONFIRMED: TROYER’S SEX TAPE CO-STAR SEES RIDING MINI-ME AS TICKET TO FAME

6. AMY WINEHOUSE UNLOADS ON ADORING FAN, THROWS BONY ELBOW AND MULTIPLE STRAIGHT JABS

7. WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES

8. POWER OF GOODBYE: A-ROD HAS SPLIT FROM HIS WIFE

And finally, me and Lark’s choice for the two best stories to be all-but-ignored by our beloved readers this week:

NEW HEIDI MONTAG SONG TO BE ANTHEM FOR DRUNK CHRISTIAN SLUTS

IT’S WEDDING SEASON… BUT HOW MUCH DO YOU REALLY KNOW ABOUT ALL THOSE LOVELY TRADITIONS?

[UPDATE:] If you’re new to MD, I just wanted to point out that Lark and me do write about a ton of different topics, even though you wouldn’t be able to tell that from this week’s top 10.  

For example, the last 7 days saw some choice stuff on: Evangelicals, Catfights, Patriotism, Family Guy, Jason Schwartzman, Cocaine, Abortion, Beck, 90210, Rudy Giuliani, Swamp Ass, Hallucinogens, Women in the Workplace, Your Soul, Republican Race Hustlers, Gay Pride, Killing Innocent Ponies, more Patriotism, Prostitutes, the Greatest TV Show of All Time, and The Only Rush Limbaugh Post I Hope to Ever Write…just to name a few.

But I’m not mad, just lonely.  Even the Hipsters have left. 

Anyways, everyone still stuck indoors and tied to a computer, are you making big plans for tommorow?  

Fireworks, American flags, burgers and of course, the most patriotic thing of all-Jello Shots!  Which right now-sound amazing!

To make yours, just follow these simple directions.  (Please remember to immediately follow by taking a shot of something that will reclaim your manhood/adulthood like Jack Daniels.  If you’re not concered with either of those Jello Shot side effects (turning you into a huge pussy/14 year old), take a shot of JD anyway.)

6 ounces Jello (large package)
16 ounces Water (boiling)
6 ounces Water (cold)
10 ounces Vodka

Read the rest of this entry »

[UPDATE: A NATION RELIEVED: OBAMA FIST BUMP CHILD SNUB WAS MAKE BELIEVE]

Just when we were looking forward to finally being able to put this fist bump story to bed, Meaningful Distraction has discovered that President Bush may have forced an unwilling child to bump him yesterday, or at the very least, staged an faux-bump photo op for the press.

The GOP is always eager to capitalize on mistakes made by Democrats. This is especially true for Barack Obama, who the Republicans fear might pull a Reagan on them and run the table this November.

Notice in this first picture how President Bush has his left hand over the boy’s wrist, basically pulling the child’s hand towards the President’s.

Now observe this second photo taken just after the Executive Choreography.

It’s the second image that was clearly engineered to be the “money shot,” with the President coolly looking as though this was a naturally occurring, all American event between a boy and his Commander-in-Chief.

The politics of fist bumping won’t seem to go away, despite Obama’s best efforts to relegate the matter to the annals of campaign history. It’s clear the GOP thinks they can get some mileage of this. Pretty soon the narrative will be flipped to where anyone not willing to knock knuckles will be seen as a terrorist — a move cleverly designed to highlight Obama’s flip flop on the issue.

Developing…

Related:

A NATION RELIEVED: OBAMA FIST BUMB CHILD SNUB WAS MAKE BELIEVE

OBAMA, UNDER PRESSURE, FLIP-FLOPS AGAIN!! THROWS FIST BUMP UNDER BUS

Two things to expect from the new Batman film: (1) lots of talk about the Heath Ledger’s Joker being up for an Academy Award, (2) and lots of tears in the audience when you go to see the film.

I just hope that amidst the Oscar buzz people remember to be respectful of his ex wife and children. If the early reviews are accurate — and I believe they are — his performance is a brilliant gift to cinematic history. But the Hollywood buzz ought to take care against desensitizing what will be an enormously painful moment for those closest to the late actor.

“Swamp Soccer.” Don’t be thrown by its apparent ridiculousness. In a few years this new sport is going to be all the rage. And with a few key investments in our youth programs now the U.S. could corner the market on talent, putting us well on our way to global (swamp) soccer dominance.

The new X-Files movie kind of crept up on me. I remember hearing about another installment maybe a year ago, but apparently Mulder and Scully will return to the big screen in a little more than 3 weeks time.

“The X-Files: I Want to Believe,” is scheduled for release on July 25

David Duchovny said last week that he hopes to do another X-Files film with creator Chris Carter and co-star Gillian Anderson (we’ll see how moviegoers feel after a 10 year hiatus) and that the film itself is, QUOTE, “more skewed toward horror, a throwback to the first couple of years on the show.”

If the movie bombs, I think this will be the reason why. The X-Files was at its best when there was very little, if any, actual horror. It was always the hint or suggestion of something really spooky that made the show so compelling.

So if they watered-down version one of the Saw films and slapped a fat “X” on it, I’m quite sure longtime fans like myself — while we won’t skip it altogether — will probably be wishing we waited for DVD while standing in line to fork over our $10.50 at the theater.

This Sept., the Family Guy creator will bring his “Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy,” to the Internet. The installments have been described as “animated versions of the one-frame cartoons you might see in The New Yorker, only edgier,” which sounds questionable at best.

The clips will have advertising incorporated into them and Google will syndicate the show to thousands of websites using AdSense, which means if you are a 17-32 year old male with a penchant for Axe Body Spray and fart jokes, you will be forced to view this.

MacFarlane will be making out big, receiving a percentage of the ad revenue.

Production carries a multimillion-dollar price tag, which is the largest amount spent on original Internet content to date.

McFarlane is a genius, as displayed by Family Guy, but with the clip playing in an ad box and the subtle advertising within it, hasn’t it already failed with it’s target of young men who are highly aware and averse to having products shoved down their Gen-X throats?

According to new research, HIV was born in 1908 — and not the early 1980s in lower Manhattan, like some homophobes want you to believe.

By comparing the two sequences with more recent ones, Gemmel was able to show that HIV-1 first entered humans about 1908, not 1931, as earlier analyses with just the 1959 sample found. Her analysis also indicates that the virus existed in low levels in humans until the middle of the 20th century. “That matches the rise of population centers,” Gemmel explained, suggesting that urbanization around that time paved the way for the AIDS epidemic.

(hat tip: Andrew)

After dropping consistently from 1997 to 2003, cigarette smoking among U.S. teenagers is no longer declining and appears to be holding steady, reports the Centers for Disease Control.

Evidently:

In its bi-annual survey on youth health, the CDC said smoking in high-school students (14-18 year-olds) dropped by 45 percent in 10 years, from 36.4 percent in 1997 to 20 percent in 2007, the lowest rate since record-keeping began in 1991.

However, the center found that after increasing from 21.9 to 23 percent between 2003 and 2005 and dropping back to 20 percent in 2007, the smoking rate among teenagers appears unchanged, raising concerns that anti-smoking campaigns are not working.