MEANINGFUL DISTRACTION

Shots from Bindi Irwin’s birthday.

Not only does her fete oddly take place on a tennis court, but check out that cake.

Sure, it’s pretty clear that mom Terri is exploiting her child with the television show and horrible nature raps, but this goes way too far.

What child is like, “Hey mom, instead of a unicorn or Barbie or a koala on my cake, can we put my dead dad on there? Please. Dibs on dad’s face — the hair has the best frosting.”

Someone call child services. Or a therapist.

Fit Club contestant, porn tape maker and guy who’ll do anything for money, Dustin Diamond, has come up with yet another idea that should result in short-lived cash flow. Best known for playing the annoying, dorky sidekick of Zack*, Dustin will be releasing a tell-all book called Behind the Bell.

And while I would normally discount this, Dustin isn’t just writing about himself, but will be disclosing the juicy deeds on the, “sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying.” Awesome.

*Hopefully the book will also delve into four major problems I always had with SBTB:

1) Why would a cool, popular guy like Zack ever hang out with Screech? High school politics would not allow this to occur. Major breach in believability.

2) The Max. Or more specifically, it’s owner. He was a magician, which, wait, what? I just never understood the need for the scriptwriters to add this pointless eccentricity. Its not like his four seconds of camera time to pull a ribbon out of a hat added any excitement value to the show-they could have just used that four seconds for Screech to fall over again or have Kelly smile.

3) AC Slater’s wardrobe choice (pic below). The muscle tee, the two belts-what was that all about? Everyone else on the show dressed like a normal kid in the late ’80’s early ’90’s except for Slater who was outfitted in this gym rat, Italian guy uniform.

4) And finally, why is it that everyone, when discussing SBTB, inevitably brings up the episode where Jessie Spano gets cracked out on caffeine pills and says the line, “I”m so excited. I’m so..so..scared.” Is it because our adolescent minds were effected by the powerful message against over the counter drug use, or because it was so patently ridiculous?

Dark Knight who?  This is the video you’ve been waiting to see.  It’s release comes shortly after the sentencing of Kid Rock on Monday for one count of baw-wit-ta-ba-di-dang-di-dang-battery in connection with this incident.  He’ll serve one year of probation, six hours of anger-management counseling, 80 hours of community service and has to pay a $1,000 fine.

MTV ran its first political ad in its 27-year history yesterday. The slightly sexual sounding (my heads in the gutter) “Both Ways Barack,” attack ad is from conservative group Let Freedom Ring and accuses Barack of being on two sides of an issue, which in my humble opion, is much more impressive than being on just one singular side.

When MTV initially made the decision back in June to run political ads, it came suspiciously close to a report in the New York Times that Obama wanted to do an MTV buy.  With all the money the Bam campaign has to spend, MTV wants a piece of the pie and this anti-Obama ad may help push him in that direction. 

Surely the Obama campaign will want to combat against the poisoning of young, influential minds.

This headline from today’s Daily Mail is straight out of a sci-fi horror movie.  Could it signal the end of the relentless bear meme that has been circulating the web with tales of their bravery and cuteness as they rub against trees and do other adorable things like lending themselves to Anderson Cooper gay jokes and having sex?

While it seemed likely that this would put a stop to their take-over of the Internet through rampant fuzzy cuddliness, they’ve already struck back with damage control in the form of this awe-inducing video which emerged today on Buzzfeed:

Damn you bears.  Damn you!

Related:

PANDA-MOAN-IUM: PANDA SEX, GRATUITOUS SHOTS OF ADORABLENESS

It seems like the only news we’ve been hearing about John McCain lately is him whining over Obama and how much the press “loves” his opponent. They’ve even got their little Love video contest going on with a Chris-Matthews-fueled montage of the press’ Bam affection.

Which, while funny, (at least it isn’t a rape joke), as well as an attempt to go viral, is just about the worst PR strategy ever because instead of taking viewers’ attention and focusing it on McCain, he deflects it right back to Obama. And they just keep doing this type of stuff — only their newest “ha ha” joke is even worse.

McCain’s camp issued fake press releases identifying their press corp. as the “JV Squad,” with the caption: “Left Behind to Report in America.” The reverse side features a Frenchman pouring a glass of wine with the same caption en francaise (“Laisse en arriere pour faire un rapport en Amerique”).

So in effect, not only did the McCain people throw the focus back to Obama by satirizing the media attention he’s getting overseas, but McCain also succeeds in disparaging the traveling media corps. that covers him.

Well played, sir.

(Via CBS)

Warning:  If you are attracted to Matthew, this is going to kill that for you.  Unless of course your into this sort of thing.  In which case-I hate you.

In this week’s issue of US he makes it clear that he can not act like a normal adult or put down the bong for the length of time it took his girlfriend to give birth saying “Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.”

I for one find Seth Rogan Disgusting (yes, that is a captial D).  I think he is probably one of the most unlikely stars ever-he’s chubby, slovenly and every movie he makes degrades women in some way.  I do however, love James Franco and pot, so I am pretty stoked to see this flick. 

Click here for the leaks.

They’re kind of cute, sort of cuddly, ambiguously child/alien/animal  and being universally bullied.  The “fuwa,” are even being ripped by their own dad, folk artist Han Meilin, who says his creations pretty much went ot hell once the beurocrats got involved and is “humiliated.”

Representing a fish, a panda, a Tibetan antelope, a swallow and the Olympic flame, each character has a two-syllable name which combine to spell out “Beijing welcomes you” in Chinese.  Seems kind of cute huh?

According to a study done by  Nielsen Co., 60% of Chinese liked the characters, while 40% were indifferent or disliked them and some are even calling them “Wuwa,” which is  Chinese for “witch dolls.”

Some have even taken to creating their own Fuwa — a duck, a dragonfly and a taxi — whose names spell out “bastard” in Beijing slang, which is quite the rage against something like a mascot.

But this isn’t the first Olympic mascot to be bullied.  The curse has been around for a while, though probably the worst mascot was the blue sperm from 2006:

Google Trends is an addictive little device that lets bloggers and other newsy Internet types know what people are looking for out there on the vast interwebs.  Today, “Patrick Swayze Suicide,” is for some reason a hotly googled item. 

Just to calm anyone out there who is upset by this-Patrick is alive and actually doing well.  He even recently told reporters, “I’m cooking. I’m a miracle, dude. I don’t know why. I’m doing really well. I feel really good. I’ve put on 20 pounds. I should be dead right now. Look at me - I’m a miracle.”

Which is great, right?  But I want to know where the rumor started.  Any guesses?

A cat fight took place last night involving Candace Parker, Lisa Leslie and a whole lot of other members of the LA Sparks and Detroit Shock.  C’mon now ladies, no hitting.  Good PR move though.

Always factual (cough) National Enquirer has caught the former presidential hopeful  visiting his mistress and secret love child at 2:40am at an LA hotel.  Scandal!

And what’s more-His wife Elizabeth is still battling her long fought battle with cancer.  This also isn’t John’s first “alleged” affair.  Last year there was some rumor mongering about filmmaker Rielle Hunter, but nothing was ever proven.

Related:

THE NEW INFIDELITY — TO ALL THE MEN OUT THERE WHO’VE BEEN CHEATED ON

I GUESS THIS IS THE DAY WHERE WE TALK ABOUT CHEATING: SJP & MATTHEW BRODERICK

I love the Broderick-Parkers and am going to blatantly ignore this story and all loosely based evidence that I am sure is contained with in the article.  But just in case-Ferris, you bastard!  We love you SJP.  Stay strong.

Related:

THE NEW INFIDELITY — TO ALL THE MEN OUT THERE WHO’VE BEEN CHEATED ON

I can’t wait till the GOP latches on to this one. 

In Mike Allan’s Political Playbook on Politico it states that “With Senator Obama still in Iraq, his staff and press could be seen smoking flavored tobacco in hookahs in their Amman hotel bar, well past midnight local time.”

You know who else smokes hookahs and stays out till midnight?   Terrorists.  Muslim terrorists hell bent on staying out to party and chill to the scent of sweet apple smoke.

Pedifish. 

I thought nothing could get worse than that awful Ped Egg commercial which for some reason always comes on when I am eating, but this wins hands (or feet, ha, whatever, is it 6pm yet?) down.

The legendary actress who gave us so many hilarious moments passed away today at the age of 84.  She had been battling dementia for years.

Rest in peace Sophia.

I am all about this anti-folk hottie and his sexy girlfriend Natalie Portman.  The song is in Spanish and I like the vids Bollywood take, but I sort of just wish they would have made something sexier, like, say a sex tape.*

*Why is that only the Verne Troyers and Dustin Diamonds of the world make these? (I am ignoring Pamela Anderson, I know. Thanks.)

This new flick, set to be released Sept. 1 from conservative outfit Citizens United Productions, purports to expose the “truth” about Barack Obama.  For more info, click here.

Conservative host of Savage Nation, Michael Savage is a major moron in general, but his latest antics of idiocy are aimed at children suffering from a terrible and debilitating disease and they are inexcusable.

Above is the clip of Savage calling kids afflicted with autism “fakers” who are merely acting out like “fools,” and blaming parents for not raising them “correctly.”

This obviously riled many people and yesterday protesters rallied outside of his office calling for him to be fired.  But instead of backing down and apologizing, Savage defended his remarks saying:

“My comments about autism were meant to boldly awaken parents and children to the medical community’s attempt to label too many children or adults as ‘autistic.’ Many children are being victimized by being diagnosed with an “illness” which may not exist in all cases. … Let the truly autistic be treated. Let the falsely diagnosed be free.”

How about we let him be free instead, by firing his cruel and ignorant ass.  Sign petitions against him, here.

And this woman doesn’t have custody?  What is wrong with the world.*

*Sarcasm.

The fight is on!

Update: Wendy later told the AP, “I wanted to throw her off the set. Omarosa wished her career was my career.  Omarosa is a delusional, D-list, pathetic woman.”

Update 2: The more I think about this, the more I think it was a pr stunt.  Wendy needs ratings for her show, while Omarosa just needs any kind of attention she can get.  These are both savvy women and stirring up buzz is a mutually beneficial strategy.

I’ve been feeling under the weather today, which is why there is a lack of posts.   In order to keep my throbbing head from just exploding, I have been keeping the music mellow.  One of my favorites of the past interminably long hours is this tune by the Avrett Brothers.  If you like Townes Van Zandt, you’ll love them.

So this weekend in a state of Jack Daniels hang-over I found myself watching the Brooke Hogan show. 

First off-she is in no way, twenty years old.  She looks at least thirty.  At least.

Secondly, she by no means “knows best.”  When interviewing new roomates in a segment that was obviously taped before Hillary dropped out, Brooke states:

“You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?”

If she’s really too fraught with PMS and emotions and other “lady stuff,” then she shouldn’t have a show either, or a singing “career.”  Boycott!

I’ve gotten a bit sick of Will Ferrell lately, but his acceptance speech during last night’s Espy’s along with his promos were actually pretty hilarious.  Click here to see him and John C. Reilly’s Espy demands.

JT was just suberb:

This second clip is incredibly timely since the Third Circuit overturned the $550,000 fine CBS paid the FCC for the nipple baring incident, today.

A new reality show called Making Love, put together by former editor of Psychology Today and Harvard Ph.D., Robert Epstein, actually sounds, dare I say it, good.

The premise of the show is arranged marriage. Ten couples who seem like they would get along are set up with each other, much like a matchmaker would back in the day.   

The couples will then have relationship experts counsel them in areas like patience and caring, much the same as parents would if the marriagewas arranged.

To ensure that the couples all give love a fair shot, they will sign a “love contract” for 10 weeks in which they will show their dedication to each other by not cheating.  They then go through a number of experiences meant to make them bond. 

Epstien expects six people to tie the knot.  He also (surprise!) believes in arranged marriages, which tend to last longer than ones people make out of their own choice.

On one hand this statistic and experiment is freaky and on another it is sort of assuring.  By Epstien’s estimations each of us has 350,000 potential soul mates, including about 50,000 right here in the U.S.A., which gives us all a much better chance of finding our “one” true soulmate. 

The show will have a website that encourages you and your significant other to participate in the same kind of activities as the couple’s on the show, thus potentially improving your own bond.

Fingers crossed that they decide to go a bit crazy and set Tila Tequila up with Flavor Flav.