OBAMA OR PORN? THAT IS THE QUESTION

WARNING: this post also “touches on” Sarah Palin porn.

Unlike John McCain who is a very rich man but claims not to be, I’m actually being truthful when I say I’m not a rich man.

And even though Apple came down a couple hundred bucks with the price of its new iPhone, it’s still not something I deem a “prudent investment” — especially with all the problems I’m reading about. Point being: I can’t weigh in personally on this matter…

But, I do know that there are a lot of iPhone-endowed readers out there and as such, you all have an important decision to make right now. And that is: what are you going to be using your shiny new toy for these next 30 plus days: Obama or Porn? That is the question.

Our friend Ben Smith tips us off to a new Obama application for the iPhone which, should you chose to utilize it, would take at least some of you away from clutches of iPorn, which I happen to know is on the rise.

How do I know iPorn usage has been trending upward?

Admittedly this is an unscientific indicator, but a post I wrote months ago — long before the new iPhone was even released — on the topic of “pocket porn” has been receiving a steadily growing amount of traffic here at MD.

Ok, I’m downplaying — our “iPorn” post from last June has positively blown up in recent weeks. Which means that ever more people are searching for the words “porn” + “iPhone” — or some derivative — on the web.

So… this is a plea to all the iPhone happy readers of this blog who may also be dabbling in the Dark Arts: put the porn use on the backburner — at least for the next 30 days — and download the new Obama application instead. I think it will prove a more productive use of your time in the long run.

BUT, seeing as porn is something that does not discriminate along Party lines, I don’t want to sign off on this post without giving a little love to our conservative readers…of which we’ve been getting a lot this month.

Thanks to Larry Flynt (yes, the Hustler guy) all you Palintologists out there will soon be getting the gift of a lifetime…one that will probably keep on giving for many of you… a Sarah Palin (look-alike) Porn.

Yes, you read that correctly. Flynt has cast a Sarah Palin look-alike to star in an adult film. And with Palin now being the most sought after celebrity on the web — ahead of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton et cetera — I’ll give you one guess as to which direction that video is headed. (Stra-to-sphere.)

The good folks at Radar have taken the devious liberty of dreaming up a few ideas for the as-yet-untitled project, including, “Juneau You Want It” and “Northern Xxxposure,” but today Radar blew the roof off of this conversation with their Exclusive First Look at the the official script for Flint’s Ala-skin flick.

C’mon, Juneau you want to read it.

Offended? Save it. Liberals like Flynt didn’t invent the market for objectifying or sexualizing Sarah Palin. In truth, they’re probably following conservatives’ lead.

Republicans across the nation have been in a state of euphoria about how “Hot” their new VP is. They wore buttons to that effect during her RNC speech… Rush Limbaugh calls her a “babe” on his radio program… and even John McCain was caught staring at Palin’s ass during her announcement rally, which, let me tell you sent a really inspiring message to women across the nation.

I’m not defending the actions of someone like Flynt just pointing out that Republicans are as guilty, I have argued more guilty, of whatever trivialization we’ve seen of the second woman in history to run on a Presidential ticket. 

Flynt’s just trying to make a buck. And seeing as it’s a pretty safe bet that millions of neocons have probably laid up at night thinking about Sarah Palin walking up to them saying all manner of unintelligible, naughty things, they’ll probably be thanking Flynt, deep down, for giving them the opportunity to make their one-on-one time with Palin count for even more.

Rant over…back to the script.

It opens at the Palin residence in Wasilla, Alaska. Gov. Palin is “sitting on the couch, reading ‘all of the magazines’ [and] wearing a satin negligee and bunny slippers…” There’s a “firm knock on the door,” and Palin goes to see who it could be…

PALIN: Who is it?

GRUFF MALE VOICE: It’s JOE, the tanning-bed repairman.

(PALIN unlocks the door and opens it)

PALIN: Hiya! You were supposed to be here two hours ago, doncha know?

JOE: I’m sorry. My snowmobile broke down outside of Matunska. I had to walk the rest of the way.

PALIN: Well, you’re in luck. I just baked a batch of chocolate-chip cookies. Why don’t you come inside and I’ll fix you a plate of ‘em?

(JOE obliges. He takes a seat on the couch. PALIN enters the kitchen and returns shortly after with the cookies. She gives them to JOE, but not before looking him up and down.)

PALIN: My oh my. That’s quite a toolbelt you have on. It looks heavy.

JOE: I have a big hammer.

PALIN: Oh, I betcha do. I love a big hammer. But I love screwdrivers, too! And wrenches. The fact is I love and respect all of America’s diverse tools, big and small. They’re what helps make us so great as a nation. Here, let me take that off for ya…

Well, you get the idea. Radar has the full, X-rated exchange here.

And lastly, as a bonus — because I love so much when FoxNews embeds a link to Meaningful Distraction (which has happened twice this week in as many days) and we get all that traffic from their end of the blogosphere, here’s an “in case you missed it” for, again, the pro-Palin crowd now trolling around this site: Maxim magazine’s Top 10 Hottest Politicians on Earth. Oh yeah baby.

And wouldn’t you know it: John McCain’s very own trophy candidate placed 2nd on Maxim’s list, behind only this woman.

True story.

World leaders are already hitting on Sarah Palin, which is precisely the kind of seriousness we need right now with our foreign policy, but what’s the bigger, meta-takeaway here?

Maybe that if Sarah Palin’s looks are beating out women from other parts of the globe, then there’s hope after all (!) that a McCain-Palin administration might actually be able to “restore America’s standing in the world.”

Maybe that’s what John McCain meant by claiming that his choice of Sarah Palin for VP was evidence of him putting “Country First”? Because for the life of me, I just don’t see it.

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