PRESIDENT BUSH APPEALS TO OUR PATRIOTISM, U.S. RESPONDS WITH PORN

It’s America’s birthday.  And reminiscent of President John F. Kennedy, Meaningful Distraction is asking not what our country can do for us, but what we can do for our country.

But the fact remains that our country did do something for us this year — something big.  President Bush cut 132 million checks to American taxpayers and called it a “stimulus package.”  The goal of which was to stave off economic recession. 

In a move that showed great courage and even greater faith in the American people, our President asked only one thing of us: “My fellow Americans, please take this money and use it to stimulate our economy.” 

Here’s how America responded to their Commander-in-Chief: “Thanks Big Guy, but I think I’ll take this money and use it to stimulate myself.”

An independent market-research firm called AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), has learned that the folks who profited the most from the more than 100 billion dollar influx of cash our government gave out was the internet porn industry; QUOTE:

“[M]any websites focused on adult or erotic material have experienced an upswing in sales in the recent weeks since checks have appeared in millions of Americans’ mailboxes across the country.”

And according to Kirk Mishkin, Head Research Consultant for AIMRCo, QUOTE:

“Many of the sites we surveyed have reported 20-30% growth in membership rates since mid-May when the checks were first sent out, and typically the summer is a slow period for this market.”

So there you have it people.  The single greatest opportunity you had this year to give back to the country that has given you so much, and what do you do?  Go online and download pay-for-play porn. 

Would it have been so hard to log on to YouPorn.com or any number of the free websites out there?  That way you could have put some of the money away, helping to replenish our (much depleted) national savings.  Or perhaps you could have used the money to pay down more of your own debt.  Or maybe even gotten up off your ass and taken your girlfriend out for ice cream — at least that way you’re putting the money back into America’s small businesses. 

No, you sat at home and jerked off to your computer screen.

It’s bad enough that the dark forces out there who seek to spam us into oblivion are using free porn to incentivize computer programmers, but you had to go and give the industry billions more of our tax dollars at a time when your country was flirting with economic recession. 

For shame, America.  For shame.

Related: PORN MOTIVATES UNIVERSE + THE INTERNET IS GETTING TOO FAT

(from Yahoo News)

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Tags: Economic recession, free porn, Porn, porn sites stimulate the economy, President Bush, Stimulus Package, Stimulus package porn, Stimulus package spent on porn, Stimulus porn, YouPorn