MEANINGFUL DISTRACTION

-Tom & Katie are planning on spawning another Thetan messiah.  Watch out Xenu! (E!)  Once the kid is weened off of Scientology founder Ron L. Hubbards baby formula of honey, discovered when he time traveled back to ancient Rome, baby Cruise will be ready to go intergalactic on your ass. (Defamer)

-Benji Madden bought Paris a diamond wedding band because they hadn’t gotten press in like, five minutes.  Next up-fake wedding.  You know, just for fun! (People)

-The Hogan boy is totally going to jail.  Inmates are already placing bets on who kick the ass of Hulk’s offspring. (PerezHilton)

-Hottie Gossip Boy and alleged closet homosexual Chace Crawford describes his perfect date of cheap booze and a ballgame thus turning off all New york women.  I guess he can finally get some peace around this city. (People)

-Katherine Heigl may quit Grey’s Anatomy to work on her budding movie career of being the next Kate Hudson.  So many poorly written rom-coms, so little time.  (ShowBiz Spy)

-Poor Liv Tyler is getting seperated.  A gajillion Lord of the Rings dorks rejoice in hopes of bestowing a ring of their own upon the elvin goddess. (People)

-That chick who is related to Jessica Simpson and dating Pete Wentz finally catches on to popular culture and calls Britney “trashy.”  Britney responds, “Who are you?”  (Sun)

-Demi and Ashton may adopt, because what more does a 30 year old hunk need than an old lady for a wife and three step-daughters?  Apparently, an orphan. (WENN)