MEANINGFUL DISTRACTION

Shots from Bindi Irwin’s birthday.

Not only does her fete oddly take place on a tennis court, but check out that cake.

Sure, it’s pretty clear that mom Terri is exploiting her child with the television show and horrible nature raps, but this goes way too far.

What child is like, “Hey mom, instead of a unicorn or Barbie or a koala on my cake, can we put my dead dad on there? Please. Dibs on dad’s face — the hair has the best frosting.”

Fit Club contestant, porn tape maker and guy who’ll do anything for money, Dustin Diamond, has come up with yet another idea that should result in short-lived cash flow. Best known for playing the annoying, dorky sidekick of Zack*, Dustin will be releasing a tell-all book called Behind the Bell.

And while I would normally discount this, Dustin isn’t just writing about himself, but will be disclosing the juicy deeds on the, “sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying.” Awesome.

*Hopefully the book will also delve into four major problems I always had with SBTB:

1) Why would a cool, popular guy like Zack ever hang out with Screech? High school politics would not allow this to occur. Major breach in believability.

2) The Max. Or more specifically, it’s owner. He was a magician, which, wait, what? I just never understood the need for the scriptwriters to add this pointless eccentricity. Its not like his four seconds of camera time to pull a ribbon out of a hat added any excitement value to the show-they could have just used that four seconds for Screech to fall over again or have Kelly smile.

3) AC Slater’s wardrobe choice (pic below). The muscle tee, the two belts-what was that all about? Everyone else on the show dressed like a normal kid in the late ’80’s early ’90’s except for Slater who was outfitted in this gym rat, Italian guy uniform.

4) And finally, why is it that everyone, when discussing SBTB, inevitably brings up the episode where Jessie Spano gets cracked out on caffeine pills and says the line, “I”m so excited. I’m so..so..scared.” Is it because our adolescent minds were effected by the powerful message against over the counter drug use, or because it was so patently ridiculous?

Dark Knight who?  This is the video you’ve been waiting to see.  It’s release comes shortly after the sentencing of Kid Rock on Monday for one count of baw-wit-ta-ba-di-dang-di-dang-battery in connection with this incident.  He’ll serve one year of probation, six hours of anger-management counseling, 80 hours of community service and has to pay a $1,000 fine.

MTV ran its first political ad in its 27-year history yesterday. The slightly sexual sounding (my heads in the gutter) “Both Ways Barack,” attack ad is from conservative group Let Freedom Ring and accuses Barack of being on two sides of an issue, which in my humble opion, is much more impressive than being on just one singular side.

When MTV initially made the decision back in June to run political ads, it came suspiciously close to a report in the New York Times that Obama wanted to do an MTV buy.  With all the money the Bam campaign has to spend, MTV wants a piece of the pie and this anti-Obama ad may help push him in that direction. 

Surely the Obama campaign will want to combat against the poisoning of young, influential minds.

Not all of Europe is thrilled that Barack Obama is gracing their continent with his celestial presence this week. France’s paper of record, Le Monde, published a less-than-glowing editorial today about the globe-trotting Democratic nominee for President.

Le Monde hits Obama on multiple fronts, and our good friend Ben Smith has more on the piece HERE.

But I want to highlight one grievance in particular that the French mega-paper has: the lack of time Obama spends this week in France relative to Germany.

Le Monde’s editors write: “A speech in Germany, five little hours in France.”

But when you think about it, from a political standpoint, Obama choosing Germany over France for his major speech should come as a surprise to …let me see … oh that’s right… precisely no one.

Read the rest of this entry »

This headline from today’s Daily Mail is straight out of a sci-fi horror movie.  Could it signal the end of the relentless bear meme that has been circulating the web with tales of their bravery and cuteness as they rub against trees and do other adorable things like lending themselves to Anderson Cooper gay jokes and having sex?

While it seemed likely that this would put a stop to their take-over of the Internet through rampant fuzzy cuddliness, they’ve already struck back with damage control in the form of this awe-inducing video which emerged today on Buzzfeed:

Damn you bears.  Damn you!

Related:

PANDA-MOAN-IUM: PANDA SEX, GRATUITOUS SHOTS OF ADORABLENESS

It seems like the only news we’ve been hearing about John McCain lately is him whining over Obama and how much the press “loves” his opponent. They’ve even got their little Love video contest going on with a Chris-Matthews-fueled montage of the press’ Bam affection.

Which, while funny, (at least it isn’t a rape joke), as well as an attempt to go viral, is just about the worst PR strategy ever because instead of taking viewers’ attention and focusing it on McCain, he deflects it right back to Obama. And they just keep doing this type of stuff — only their newest “ha ha” joke is even worse.

McCain’s camp issued fake press releases identifying their press corp. as the “JV Squad,” with the caption: “Left Behind to Report in America.” The reverse side features a Frenchman pouring a glass of wine with the same caption en francaise (“Laisse en arriere pour faire un rapport en Amerique”).

So in effect, not only did the McCain people throw the focus back to Obama by satirizing the media attention he’s getting overseas, but McCain also succeeds in disparaging the traveling media corps. that covers him.

Well played, sir.

(Via CBS)

Check out the pitch a new company called SlyDial is making on behalf of their product:

You desperately need to call your girlfriend but she is a talker and you don’t want to spend an hour on the phone with her because you would much rather watch the game with your buddies. Leave her a sweet voicemail and get a hall pass for the night.

SlyDial allows you to put in anyone’s phone number and be automatically connected (for free) to that person’s voicemail… so you can avoid, you know, actually having to talk to them.

The NY Post billed the service today as “Dial-A-Breakup Made Easy,” but whatever your needs may be just call (267) SLY-DIAL and follow the automated instructions. 

So from now on if you find that you’re only getting voicemails from a “person of interest” with no record of having a missed call, you’ll know the reason why.

For more information, check out SlyDial.com

SlyDial’s funny/sad “Vegas” ad is featured above & the ”Muscle Man” spot can be seen after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

NY Congressman Anthony Weiner (above) is back in the news today.  Only this time instead of trying to soften our immigration laws to allow more foreign models into the country, the New York Times does a write up on something that many people who’ve worked in and around DC/NY politics have known for a long, long time: the 2009 NYC mayoral hopeful is an absolutely frightful person to work for. 

Mr Weiner is being charitable when he calls himself a “demanding” boss.  In truth it’s much closer to “demeaning.”

Many people don’t realize this, but what keeps Capitol Hill churning is an army of staffers in their 20s and early-to-mid 30s.  Members of Congress ultimately call the shots on what gets done, but the actual work of getting our laws passed is done by thousands of young people who work long hours for little pay. 

Congressman Weiner is among the most egregious offenders when it comes to treating his subordinates like disposable commodities, and his revolving door of staff members is legendary to people on the inside.

Read the rest of this entry »

Saint John McCain is having a pretty crappy week since his buddy Barack Obama left for the Middle East and Europe.

Obama’s globe-trotting around the world, shaking hands with heads of state, schmoozing with our troops, and preparing to give a speech tomorrow before a crowd that may grow as large as 1 million people in Germany…

Meanwhile, here in the United States no one is paying attention to John McCain. One reporter showed up to greet his plane in New Hampshire this week. ONE!!!

But the fact that no one cares what McCain does or says right now may end up being a blessing in disguise for the presumptive Republican nominee for president, since he’s been especially prone to completely moronic statements innocent campaign gaffes since Obama left the country.

(1) First, the Master of Foreign Policy can’t stop talking about a country that hasn’t existed in well over a decade (Czechoslovakia).

(2) Then his campaign acts like a bunch of whiny teenagers by releasing an ad about how the media “goes soft on Obama.” But in typical John McCain fashion, hours later he flip flops on the ad and says he’s in fact not complaining about the media coverage of this campaign.

(3) Then he gives an interview with Katie Couric where he gets the most basic historical facts wrong involving a foreign policy decision that he’s choosing to basically hang his campaign on at this point: The Surge in Iraq.

ABC covers up McCain’s embarrassing historical illiteracy on what’s supposed to be his signature issue (National Security) because, after all, they are part of the same media that’s “in the tank” for Obama.

(4) Then his campaign decides to take the lowest road possible and hit Obama for visiting a Holocaust memorial site in — of all places — Israel! Another classy move.

So at this point John McCain’s campaign is so desperate to make headlines of their own that they’ve had to resort to planting false stories with reporters about McCain announcing his VP choice this week just to create a news cycle buzz.

BUT, as shit begets shit, Robert Novak, the reporter who thought he was given McCain’s VP super-scoop, was so angry and frustrated over being used like a piece of prison ass by the McCain campaign that he zoned out and hit a pedestrian while driving his black Corvette this morning.

So now we come to this afternoon: John McCain had one press avail scheduled for today. Just one.

But realizing that he’s going to be hammered by reporters over the smattering of negative stories circling his campaign right now (see 1-4), he chose to do the honorable thing… and really show Americans why he’s the only man worthy of the title, “Mr. Straight Talk”: he canceled the freakin’ press conference.

Someone should change the new campaign slogan on John McCain’s poster from “PEACE IS BORN OF WISDOM” to “PEACE IS BORN OF…DUCKING THE HARD QUESTIONS.”

Meaningful Distraction says to John McCain: Come back and face the music, cause your shit is WEAK right now!

Warning:  If you are attracted to Matthew, this is going to kill that for you.  Unless of course your into this sort of thing.  In which case-I hate you.

In this week’s issue of US he makes it clear that he can not act like a normal adult or put down the bong for the length of time it took his girlfriend to give birth saying “Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.”

I for one find Seth Rogan Disgusting (yes, that is a captial D).  I think he is probably one of the most unlikely stars ever-he’s chubby, slovenly and every movie he makes degrades women in some way.  I do however, love James Franco and pot, so I am pretty stoked to see this flick. 

Click here for the leaks.

Note the ethereal glow coming from McCain’s forehead.

“PEACE IS BORN OF WISDOM.” What a load of BS coming from John McCain.  The GOP favors neither Peace nor Wisdom.

Related: NEW JOHN MCCAIN CAMPAIGN POSTER!!

The above left graphic is Barack Obama’s campaign poster which publicizes (in German) the major address he will make tomorrow in Berlin.

Predictably, once the flyers came out looking “different” from what we’re used to seeing, the Republicans started to throw around their new favorite attack word for Obama: “arrogant.”

They love using it — these days Obama can’t brush his teeth in the morning without the Republicans telling us how the flavor of toothpaste he uses somehow reveals how “breathtakingly arrogant” he is.

“Arrogant,” after all, is the new “uppity.”

But here’s what the Republicans and even some moderate voices are missing: this campaign poster isn’t evidence of a “messiah” complex; it pays homage to a pivotal era in graphic design history: the German Bauhaus movement during the early 20th century (see above right for example).

As I’ve noted elsewhere, Obama’s design team is very, very good — they would know the history of German graphic design. Obama’s Berlin poster contains the same bold, diagonal lines and sanserif type which typifies 1920s -era German “industrial design.” Another example here.

So before the pundits and professional GOP douchebags operatives try to point to Obama’s German flyer as evidence of arrogance, they should take a minute to stop and think whether or not his design team sat down before creating yet another elegant image and said: “When in… Germany, do as the Germans do.”

Many Germans will recognize this little tip-of-the-hat, and those that recognize it will appreciate it. This type of move wouldn’t even occur to the McCain campaign, despite the fact that McCain was born around the time when German Bauhaus was all the rage.

Related:

OBAMA’S VIZ MAKES GRAPHIC ARTISTS SWOON

BAM 1 MILLION STRONG IN GERMANY?

EUROPEANS ARE THE NEW GAYS

OBAMA RE-TOOLS PRESIDENTIAL SEAL, SLAPS MCCAIN AROUND

OBAMA GOING TO IRAQ

A few updates on the “Did Batman beat his momma?” drama.

Bale is trying to get out in front of the story by having a “source close to the actor” relay his version of what happened over the weekend.

(1) Bale, who has already denied assaulting his mother and sister, does admit to getting angry with his family and blames his mother for his outburst. The anonymous Bale-friendly “source” with knowledge of the situation spoke to Mail Online, claiming:

“Christian was stressed, but he didn’t lay a finger on anyone. Instead, he flew off the handle and cussed his mother. He just got very loud because his mother was saying some very outrageous things about him, and his wife.”

The same source also claims that Bale’s temper owes in part to a deep depression he’s been feeling over the death of his friend Heath Ledger.

(2) But TMZ is also reporting that Bale’s fiery disposition was in full force last week as well. On the set of Terminator 4, TMZ’s spies claim that the 34 year old actor blew up at the film’s director of photography, screaming: “I will kick your ass” along with some “other choice remarks.”

(3) Today’s NYPost digs up a quote from Bale where he once told E! Online: “If everyone really knew what a jerk I am in real life, I wouldn’t be so adored in the slightest.”

(Conclusion) From where I stand it seems like, when the cameras are off, Christian Bale is just a miserable guy with a bad temper. I have no doubt that he blew up at his family this weekend and I wouldn’t even be surprised to find out that he did put his hands on them.

But what’s most interesting about this story is: how did the police get involved? Bale’s family is trying to tamp down the story, and they are expressing curiosity as to who notified the authorities.

Let’s say Bale did get rough with his mom. Shameful thing to do. But does mom then call the police on her son, knowing what it might do to his career?

Related: DID BATMAN BEAT HIS MOMMA?

[Photo: Batman star Christian Bale leaving the London police station after nearly 5 hours of interrogation]

They’re kind of cute, sort of cuddly, ambiguously child/alien/animal  and being universally bullied.  The “fuwa,” are even being ripped by their own dad, folk artist Han Meilin, who says his creations pretty much went ot hell once the beurocrats got involved and is “humiliated.”

Representing a fish, a panda, a Tibetan antelope, a swallow and the Olympic flame, each character has a two-syllable name which combine to spell out “Beijing welcomes you” in Chinese.  Seems kind of cute huh?

According to a study done by  Nielsen Co., 60% of Chinese liked the characters, while 40% were indifferent or disliked them and some are even calling them “Wuwa,” which is  Chinese for “witch dolls.”

Some have even taken to creating their own Fuwa — a duck, a dragonfly and a taxi — whose names spell out “bastard” in Beijing slang, which is quite the rage against something like a mascot.

But this isn’t the first Olympic mascot to be bullied.  The curse has been around for a while, though probably the worst mascot was the blue sperm from 2006:

Google Trends is an addictive little device that lets bloggers and other newsy Internet types know what people are looking for out there on the vast interwebs.  Today, “Patrick Swayze Suicide,” is for some reason a hotly googled item. 

Just to calm anyone out there who is upset by this-Patrick is alive and actually doing well.  He even recently told reporters, “I’m cooking. I’m a miracle, dude. I don’t know why. I’m doing really well. I feel really good. I’ve put on 20 pounds. I should be dead right now. Look at me - I’m a miracle.”

Which is great, right?  But I want to know where the rumor started.  Any guesses?

A cat fight took place last night involving Candace Parker, Lisa Leslie and a whole lot of other members of the LA Sparks and Detroit Shock.  C’mon now ladies, no hitting.  Good PR move though.

Always factual (cough) National Enquirer has caught the former presidential hopeful  visiting his mistress and secret love child at 2:40am at an LA hotel.  Scandal!

And what’s more-His wife Elizabeth is still battling her long fought battle with cancer.  This also isn’t John’s first “alleged” affair.  Last year there was some rumor mongering about filmmaker Rielle Hunter, but nothing was ever proven.

Related:

THE NEW INFIDELITY — TO ALL THE MEN OUT THERE WHO’VE BEEN CHEATED ON

I GUESS THIS IS THE DAY WHERE WE TALK ABOUT CHEATING: SJP & MATTHEW BRODERICK

I love the Broderick-Parkers and am going to blatantly ignore this story and all loosely based evidence that I am sure is contained with in the article.  But just in case-Ferris, you bastard!  We love you SJP.  Stay strong.

Related:

THE NEW INFIDELITY — TO ALL THE MEN OUT THERE WHO’VE BEEN CHEATED ON

I’ve been thinking a lot about infidelity these past few days.  Recently one of my closest friends came to me with news that he discovered more than a few emails his wife had sent to another man detailing the many things she wanted to do to him… sexually.

Cheating is now so common that when it doesn’t happen people almost seem shocked. 

Read the rest of this entry »

I can’t wait till the GOP latches on to this one. 

In Mike Allan’s Political Playbook on Politico it states that “With Senator Obama still in Iraq, his staff and press could be seen smoking flavored tobacco in hookahs in their Amman hotel bar, well past midnight local time.”

You know who else smokes hookahs and stays out till midnight?   Terrorists.  Muslim terrorists hell bent on staying out to party and chill to the scent of sweet apple smoke.

Pedifish. 

I thought nothing could get worse than that awful Ped Egg commercial which for some reason always comes on when I am eating, but this wins hands (or feet, ha, whatever, is it 6pm yet?) down.

Barack Obama and John McCain will soon be immortalized in comic books.

On October 1, a group called IDW Publishing will release two graphic novels called Presidential Material designed to “take advantage of one of the true American art forms, the comic book, to explore the histories of both presumptive nominees for the Democratic and Republican parties.”

Since Lark and me get enough entertainment from the real-life events of this campaign, Meaningful Distraction will take a pass on buying the comics. But I must say, in terms of cover art alone, John McCain won out big time here — just look at the difference between the two men’s hands alone!

Leaving aside the fact that everyone knows Obama has much bigger hands than McCain, without question the illustrator took some creative liberties with the diminutive Republican nominee: he slimmed down McCain’s stomach, filled him out with a bulging chest and arms, and gave him Barack’s signature Colgate Smile — which everyone knowns McCain doesn’t possess.

Meanwhile Obama looks small and angry (dare I say bitter?) in a deceptively misleading cover that does nothing to showcase his enormous height advantage over McCain, which you’ll see in the upcoming debates stands at nearly a full foot.

(Presidential Material)

The legendary actress who gave us so many hilarious moments passed away today at the age of 84.  She had been battling dementia for years.

Rest in peace Sophia.